You might have seen scars on their arms, you might even know someone who self-harms– but WHY do people self-harm?
Self-Harm in Young People
Why do people self-harm?
Some signs of self-harm in young adults and adolescents
“Self-harming is becoming more prevalent in our children and adolescents”.
What not to say to someone self-harming
“It makes them feel like a failure because they should know better than doing this.”
Message to any young person self-harming
“It’s important to realize that you as a person: You have strength. You have worth.”
What is #notokay to say /
do to someone who self-harms
Why you do that to yourself? / What's that on your arm?
Bringing up self-harm scars, especially in a public or group setting, or if you don’t have a close relationship with that person, can make them feel uncomfortable. Remember this is a sensitive topic, and one that they may not feel comfortable discussing with someone they are not very close with. When mentioning someone’s self-harm scars out of concern for them, remember to be sensitive and non-judgmental, and to refrain from mentioning them with other persons around.
Only crazy people / mad people do that
The association of anything related to a mental health condition with “madness” or “craziness” is very common in Trinidad and Tobago. This is #notokay to say. It can be extremely hurtful to someone who self-harms, or who has self-harmed.
I'm disappointed in you for starting back
While we may hope that by showing our disappointment, we can inspire someone we care about to stop self-harming, statements like these can instead enforce guilt and shame in someone who self-harms.
I would never do something like that / You should know better / Other people have it worse
Any kind of judgmental and comparative statements or actions can cause someone who self-harms to feel ashamed, guilty, and worse about their actions.
Make jokes about it / laugh / belittle what they're going through
We need to be sensitive when we speak to persons about their self-harm scars.
Be sensitive and kind
Insensitivity and unkindness to people who have self-harmed may only make them feel worse, and is unlikely to help them stop self-harming. How we respond to someone’s behaviours when they’re experiencing a mental health issue does make a difference.
Kindly encourage them to seek professional help
One of the ways we can help is to encourage them to speak to a professional, without judgment or condescension. We can, also, offer to find a mental health professional for them and even go with them. Show support and kindness and compassion, and accept that we don’t understand exactly what they’re going through.