DepressionMental Illness

Trinidadians describe depression to anyone who doesn’t understand

By July 5, 2020 No Comments

If you were to explain what depression feels like to someone who considers depression to be “weakness” or “laziness” or something you “can snap out of”, how would you describe it?

 

My depression feels like nothing. It makes me indifferent to all the people, things and places I love. It steals my joy and my love for life. It makes me unable to get out of bed; it makes me not want to. It makes me push people away because I don’t think they should have to put up with me; it makes me feel unworthy of love. Depression is real and it feels different for everyone. – Radeyah H. Ali, Attorney at Law

 

Depression for me was/is, more than anything else. a feeling of utter hopelessness – it is the deepest level of feeling so hopeless that you cannot see any sliver of light in the depths of darkness at which you are mentally. It is debilitating, and with that is a feeling of helplessness – that there is no way out, and you are ready to give up and you just don’t have any fight in you anymore.

Depression affected every aspect of my life. My home life – no desire to see or interact with the members of my family. No desire to do anything. No desire to get out of bed. Just wanting to be alone. Crying most of the time.
My work life – loss of interest in going to work, in performing my duties, my attention to detail being severely affected which resulted in errors on my part , and lack of caring about it.
My school life – becoming disinterested in, and hateful of, classes, the course-contents, the lecturers and even fellow students and the school on a whole. The acute feeling of wanting to just quit the whole thing because what was the use? Why was I even doing this? The feeling of inadequacy and senselessness was so great, I was literally an inch from quitting.
My social life – became nonexistent. The idea of going out and being among people just did not interest me one tiny bit. There was no desire to even get out of bed, much less to leave the house. Almost becoming a recluse seemed to suit depression well. No joy in the thought of doing things that used to bring me joy before.
My relationship – feelings of unworthiness, of not being enough, of neediness, of being a burden, all tested my relationship. My safety: in the depths of my depression, I became unaware of my actions and my surroundings. It was as if I was on autopilot. I got from point A to point B without being aware of doing so, which could have, but thankfully did not, posed a threat to my safety. I was ready to die at some points, not suicidal thankfully, but wanting to die. Death was a welcome thought, a thought of reprieve, of escape from it all. – Penny Williamson

 

 

 

 

The more compassionate, kind and understanding we can be of people with depression, the more likely we are to help them. 

If you or someone you know needs help, please visit our directory of free and reduced cost resources: here. Please ask for help if you need it. You matter.

 

Not Okay

Author Not Okay

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